Possession
by rancidstarlight
Summary: AU. Inuyasha-tachi goes to school, and life is seemingly perfect despite the recent suicide of Kikyou - our beloved hanyou's old girlfriend. Kagome tries her best to comfort her best friend, despite her internal feelings, and finds herself in a rather bad
1. Chapter One

/Run…hide/   
/All that was sacred to us/  
/Sacred to us/  
/See the signs/  
/The covenant has been broken/  
/By mankind/  
/Leaving us with no shoulder…/  
/with no shoulder/  
/To rest our head on/

_It was all so familiar, playing through his head for what must have been the millionth time. He ran as fast as his feet would take him, seeming impossibly slow for his demon heritage. Every leaf on every tree, every blade of grass stood out as if he was standing still. Too slow, too slow. Time was too fast, too fast. Just yesterday the journey to Kikyou's house hadn't been so damn far…and there was a life on the line…_

/Who's got my back now?/  
/When all we have left is deceptive/  
/So disconnected/  
/So what is the truth now?/

_He's thought she'd just been talking. Just been saying she wanted to die, like every teenager did at one point or another. Still, she'd sounded somewhat serious, so he'd called a counselor to talk to her. Just to calm her down, even a little. He thought Kikyou would listen, would realizing she didn't need to die to be free. Why hadn't she listened?_

_/ "Inuyasha, listen." The counselor's voice crackled through the receiver. "I went to visit Kikyou again today, like you asked, but…the door was locked, and a knife was missing from the kitchen. I can't break the door down; I'm afraid something might be wrong. If you could just-" ___

_His voice stopped as Inuyasha released the phone, letting it fall to the ground. He heard his name over and over from the receiver, but paid no mind. He had to leave, and quick. Kikyou, /his/ Kikyou, had turned away help she'd always accepted before, even if she /did/ complain afterwards. And without explanation. She never did things without explaining; she didn't like people badgering her. ___

_This could only mean bad things…/ ___

_Finally. The hanyou skidded to a stop at the door, unlocking it and running in. He knew where her room was by now; he was there in an instant, pounding on the door. Golden eyes were no longer shielded as they usually were; his fear and concern were painfully evident now. ___

_"Go away, Takaya-san! I won't let you stop me!" The priestess's voice was clear until the slight pained gasp afterwards. ___

_Inuyasha kicked the door down without hesitation, stepping in the room. The sight that awaited him was horrible…_

/There's still time/  
/All that has been devastated/  
/Can be recreated/  
/Realize/   
/We pick up the broken pieces/  
/Of our lives/  
/Giving ourselves to each other…/  
/ourselves to each other/  
/To rest our head on/

_Kikyou sat on the floor of her room, the white carpet impossibly stained with red liquid. Her arms were invisible underneath the blood openly spurting from both forearms; they'd been bleeding for a while, he could see. She was pale, more so than usual, determined chocolate eyes staring up at him with frozen intensity. Her clothes were drenched, work outfit of a shrine priestess giving her the appearance of a person drifting away because of the volume. The sleeves were hacked off, leaving nothing to stem the flow. ___

_"Kikyou!" Inuyasha made a move to come closer, but she cut him off. ___

_"Stay away from me!" The rarely used anger caused him to stop, out of shock and grief if not anything else. "You're a traitor! I didn't want help! I want to die! If you loved me, you'd have understood, not sent that Takaya bastard to talk to me!" ___

_"Kikyou, no!" His feet had started moving again, but by then, she was already dying. Too far gone. He knelt beside her, attempting to stabilize her as she began to sway from free blood loss. "Kikyou, listen-" ___

_She pushed him away. "No, you listen, Inuyasha! I thought you loved me. I thought you would know why. But I guess that you don't because you're too ignorant to hear what I'm saying." ___

_The hanyou responded with persistence. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as she died. The priestess, with no strength left to fight him, did not resist. "Ignorant? For wanting you to live?" Tears spilled down his face as he clung. ___

_Her body tensed up, anger flashing in her eyes. The last bit of her strength went into the worst kind of goodbye. "Why did you betray me, Inuyasha!?!" ___

_She went limp, heart having stopped completely. Her breathing ceased, and the blood flowing from her arms slowed and eventually stilled into a motionless puddle. She was gone. ___

_Inuyasha cried out a sound worthy of a battle-stricken warrior, loud in his defeat. The cry was piercing, as the yell of a king who returned to his castle from war only to find it completely annihilated. _

/Who's got my back now?/  
/When all we have left is deceptive/  
/So disconnected/  
/So what is the truth now?/

/Tell me the truth now…/  
/Tell us the truth now/

The hanyou woke with a start. The slats of the school bench were hard and uncomfortable beneath him, but he was known for his ability to sleep on anything, even his feet. The air was chilly, but that didn't bother him much either. Tiny, floating snowflakes drifted from the gray sky, leaving a white film on the ground. He sneezed, wiping his nose on one blue sleeve. He hated the stupid uniform, and took every little opportunity to defile it without looking like he thought about it. His school bag had been thrown carelessly underneath the bench before his little nap, "Yamamoto Inuyasha" engraved into a gold-colored plaque on the flap.

Inuyasha sat up, swinging his legs over the side so he was positioned "properly," as the staff so often told him to do. Not that he really cared what they thought, mind. He still refused to wear shoes, and defied school rules by having his hair as long as it was. He ran a clawed hand through his hair, careful to avoid his sensitive inu ears.

Five months since she'd been gone. Almost five months. 4 and a half, really, but who was counting? And he was still dreaming, still hoping that every time there would still be a chance. But there never, ever was.

His ever swelling feelings for his age-old friend weren't helping either. He felt like he was cheating on Kikyou, every time he watched Higurashi Kagome in deep conversation with Nishimura Sango, her best friend. Or when he saw her in the halls and became excited to be passing her, just like when he'd first met his deceased girlfriend. It hurt, tearing his heart to bits for everybody else to tread on. 

Speaking of best friends…his own, Miyamoto Miroku, was missing. And – the hanyou checked his watch – ten minutes before the bell rang. The bum was probably off somewhere else, hitting on some girl or getting hit himself for that very act. He looked around, spotting Sango calling out for Kagome. Inuyasha didn't know where she was, and Sango usually found her friend long before he could. No need to worry about her anyway. Miroku, on the other hand…

Kami, he felt like a babysitter sometimes.

/Am I the only one who gets to make you laugh,/  
/Laugh until you cry?/  
/Am I the only one who asks you to go,/  
/Go on without me?/

A young girl yawned and rubbed at her deep brown orbs, hair blowing in her face in a manner that slowly got more and more frustrating as thick bangs obscured her vision. A small yellow backpack seemed like it could hold a great deal more supplies, sagging loosely on her left shoulder. Her pace was quick, and every so often a worried glance would be shot at her watch. Twenty minutes. You can walk four blocks seven minutes if necessary.

She seemed sad. But it could just be a trick of the light.

Kagome hadn't been doing much on the day of Kikyou's death, and that was what settled so much guilt into her system whenever the face of the beautiful girl popped into her head.

Damnit, it wasn't exactly pleasant that all thoughts eventually turned to the female if they drifted onward too long.

She had probably been finishing homework, baking cookies, arguing with Souta over who had to sweep the chibi-shrine .. she hadn't been thinking. Not thinking of anything important .. not wondering if the boy she was in love with had a girlfriend who was bleeding profusely. 

/Am I the only one who loves when you leave/  
/your hair down in front of your eyes?/

She'd been in the usual flow of things, and then – to have a crying Inuyasha on the phone, his tears only audible because of the shaky growl in his tone – she'd felt selfish. She'd felt selfish and horrible and everything deeply and utterly wrong that came about when there was no /reason/ to feel so bad, but for some reason you felt you were to blame.

Always have to be thinking – be on your guard – just wait, you can be painting your nails and talking to Sango on the phone and Okaa-san can get hit by a car. Do you want to be prepared, or do you want to be surprised? Put yourself in a padded room and then the only danger /is/ yourself.

There, the school. Home sweet home.

/And who do you think I am?/  
/And who do you think I'll be without you?/

Always caring too much when her feelings weren't needed. It was one of her greatest faults, although there /were many/. Dark eyes were nothing like that of the dead 'priestess' … her hair didn't have the same sheen … and her uniform didn't fall in that way that made her seem so out of place. So extraordinary. You're nothing like her, Kagome. Don't try to compare and contrast.

You'll come up short.

But was she jealous?

She didn't even understand how she felt anymore. She couldn't be selfish .. Inuyasha had been happy. He'd seemed happy. Right? That was what mattered .. that was all that she wanted. She didn't need him so badly. Stop feeling guilty, Higurashi! There's nothing to care about. He was happy.

That was what mattered.

She liked to see him smiling during the few times Kikyou would trouble herself holding his hand, or kissing him on the cheek. She liked to know that he was happy .. but it would've made her feel a lot less nauseated if she'd been the one making him laugh. Her jealousy was under lock and key, kept in a small box deep within her heart. Now you have your chance, Higurashi-san! The girl is dead. Your path is open. Go on.

/Am I the only one who had to dress you up/  
/To see how you fell down?/  
/Am I the only one who needs you to go,/  
/Go on about me?/

She wasn't one to do that.

Open up and you can get hurt.

Don't you realize there is nothing to filter the pain away?

One brow arched considerably as she saw a boy with his hair thrust into a short ponytail, earrings glittering, but with quite a few colorful bruises emblazoned on his face – and arms, if you could look closely enough. A limp was evident, and Kagome blinked. Miroku had been thrashed heavily by someone. Someone she probably knew, and cared about dearly.

/Am I the only one who loves when you leave/  
/your hair down in front of your eyes?/

Kagome felt painfully normal. Every step could be predetermined, as if she was walking on a set course. Now you're going to look for Inuyasha – all discreetly – and then you'll feign indifference (you're so good at that, after all these years) – and there will be Sango, who had been calling your name for the past fifteen minutes and had now begun to think that you'd been eaten by wild bandits on an exceptionally long skewer with liberal coatings of soy sauce. 

"Sango-chan?!" 

She called from her own respective area at the front of the school, walking towards her friend with a measured dosage of cheer. A loud yawn escaped past her lips, one hand reaching to tuck a wayward lock behind an ear.

"Why does Miyamoto-san look like a horse walked over him a few times?" 

/And who do you think I am?/  
/And who do you think I'll be without you?/


	2. Chapter Two

Ah, there he was. Limping around like some amateur martial artist who'd just been thrashed by the head of a rival dojo. That idiot; couldn't keep his hands to himself for a moment. As a babysitter, however, Inuyasha was horrid. He enjoyed watching his older friend get beaten like a dog – excuse the pun – rather than actually /helping/ him. Besides, Sango had done it. It was practically written in stone; when two friends are fighting, he, the third party, was to stay out of it, sit back, relax, grab a snack, and enjoy the show.

Or pretend to, anyhow. Life was a bit empty now. He could feign happiness, enjoyment, an amused smirk. Those were easy…sorta. He'd gotten so used to doing it for everyone else. For Miroku, so he would stop worrying so damn much. For Sango, so she wouldn't worry so much about him, so she wouldn't have to be constantly poking Kagome in the shoulder to wake her up. For Kagome….Kagome…

Earlier on, when he'd refused to smile, or laugh, or even smirk morbidly, she'd watch him. Just…watch him. With these sad eyes, like she'd lost something precious. She would lose it in the middle of class, where they sat on opposite sides of the room. Just stare at the board, eyes glazed over with a neutral expression. At lunch, Miroku and Sango would try to cheer him up, but Kagome just nodded and stared, whether at him or something else. Either way, she looked the same. So lost, so lonely.

Then he'd started trying to smile. He'd even gotten good at looking like he meant it. After that, she seemed free to laugh again, to chat and pay attention. He found the more like his old self he pretended to be, the more she reverted back to herself. That was good; just because he was dead inside, didn't mean she had to be. She didn't need to lose herself too, lose herself in a mental void she'd never be able to climb out of. She didn't need to be as far gone as he. 

Inuyasha still remembered that day. It was the day after Kikyou had committed suicide, and he'd been broken. He vaguely remembered dialing his friend's number from the deceased's house, having just sat there all night, staring at her. Kikyou's parents had been out of town, the fools. The phone's gentle ring had been a slight buzz in the back of his mind, ceasing when Kagome picked up. His eyes had been dry, but his voice still held brittle tears. He'd explained, slowly so as not to break down again, what she'd done, and that he needed an ambulance or something. He hadn't remembered the number at the time. Things had gone so far downhill; of course the police had come to investigate and thought he'd killed her. That had taken so long to clear up, the interrogation still rang clear in his memory. 

Despite all that, every day he expected to see Kikyou walking to school on her own. Expected her to come over and pretend to be angry at him for not picking her up until he looked scared of her, at which point she would just smile and kiss him on the cheek, telling him it was okay, she had legs of her own. And every day, he was disappointed, ever so careful not to let it slip.

The hanyou stood, grabbing his bag and walking over to Miroku.

"You know, maybe we should just tie your hands. Then you might not get into so much trouble."

Sango just laughed, as if she hadn't just thrashed the black-haired boy, as if she'd watched someone else do it.

"Do you really have to ask? What /usually/ gets him beaten up?"

"I didn't do much of anything! Honestly. She didn't have to pummel me…"

Kagome didn't need to drop so far, but it never stopped her. You didn't stop feeling bad because it wasn't –necessary-. It wasn't something you could train your body not to do. Did she really watch him all that much? It was almost like she was trying to will Inuyasha back – the Inuyasha she'd known for ages. Just hope long enough and maybe there will be a flicker.

And even now, even with his forced smirks and caustic jokes, he wasn't altogether there. He was a shadow – merely a silhouette of what he used to be. The girl couldn't really say much about /that/, however. When her father died, things had changed. She let on to being so startlingly solid and reachable … but Inuyasha was apparently the only one who saw her when the illusion was shaking. 

She'd tried to stop herself from drifting off. She'd tied herself to an anchor and prayed that the rope wouldn't fray.

Wake up, Kagome. It looks like you're on autopilot. How about you eat something? Talk to me, Kagome. I'm worrying about you. What happened? You're different.

No, nothing was really all that different. Her acting skills were defunct – that was all. Have a reason to start acting 'normal' and you'll be fine. Have a reason – just find a reason – and you can do most of anything. Tap into your inner sociopath. Come on, Kagome. What happened?

Kami, she'd answer if she knew.

_"Higurashi residence, may I ask who is speaking?" __  
__"She's dead."_

She was so quiet after he'd spoken. The longest pause she'd ever issued. He probably thought she hung up. No…she was there. Sickened. Absolutely disgusted.

_"Who?"_

She knew already. Be redundant, baka.

_"Kikyou." __  
__"Oh .. Inuyasha .. I'm so sorry .. what happened?" __  
__"She killed herself."_

Silence. Yet again. Kagome's eyes widened, and her hand had went to her mouth.

_"Would you call an ambulance?" __  
__"Hai, of course .. oh Kami .. I'll call you back after I'm finished .."_

A part of her had been happy. The other part of her (which was significantly bigger) wanted to retch.

"You're going to break a bone one of these days."

She smiled, the faintest hint of amusement lurking in her eyes. It was saccharine, plastic. The edges had been cut off. Child-safe, you know.

There – settle into it – and you're back on track. Nobody can notice. Nobody ever does.

"Or maybe tear off a limb."

"You're hopeless."

The phrase no longer meant anything. The hanyou had told his friend that so many times it was about as effective as using a leaf for a weapon. Assuming you could find one this time of year. He gripped his friend's arm, dragging him over to the girls. He hated dealing with Miroku on his own, and freeloading some of the burden on them was fun to watch anyway.

They got there just in time to here Sango answer, "Maybe I'll tear off his hands. Then he can't grab me with them."

Inuyasha smirked, striking Kagome ever-so-lightly on her shoulder and leaving his hand there to get her attention.

"I think it's a good idea."

Heh….of course he did….(Kami knows I do. XP)

What could have been a perfectly normal morning was interrupted by the single person Inuyasha hated almost as much as his brother. Nakahara Kouga, the stuck up, self absorbed, Kagome-obsessed student who felt it necessary to become cross whenever Inuyasha so much as spoke with his old friend.

"Hey mutt! Get your hands off my girlfriend!"

Have I mentioned how terribly delusional he is?

The wolf youkai stalked over, chestnut ponytail dusted with the lightly falling snow. His uniform was spotless, unlike a certain hanyou's. Perfectly color coded….until you got a look at that fur headband around his skull. Then he looked kinda….eh….

Regardless, he was sought out by most and interested in only one. Kagome. Whom he apparently thought belonged to him…poor, unrequited wolf. None of the girls seemed to pick up that concept, unfortunately.

He folded his arms over his chest in an attempt to look intimidating. Inuyasha just rolled his eyes, ignoring him, even going so far as to smile down at his yearmate and pretend the youkai didn't exist. He was good at this, though he acted a bit odd. If he acted like himself, he'd try to shred Kouga the second he appeared.

"Hey! Just because your girlfriend died doesn't mean you can take mine!" 

"Inuyasha." Sango's voice was commanding and warning at the same time. It was a voice she used all the time, learned from Kagome in fact, since the younger girl grew tired of scolding the hanyou from time to time. 

Unfortunately, the hanyou wasn't one to listen to that particular voice. In the next instant, he was on top of Kouga, throwing every punch he could possibly manage. He sustained a few himself, but hardly enough to cause him to back off. They rolled on the pavement, both attacking somewhat blindly.

Never mind what I said earlier. This was normal. Eat breakfast, walk to school, take a nap, laugh at Miroku, fight with Kouga.

Perfectly and utterly normal.


	3. Chapter Three

"Jeez. So /violent/."

Even though he deserves it, of course.

She shot a smile upward at Inuyasha, times like this reminding her how much smaller she was compared to the hanyou.

"Don't encourage her!"

Kagome's eyes closed as she heard the familiar snide call from the wolf youkai she knew (possibly) too well.

The sound of his approach was so routine she could probably time it. 

One day – though she wasn't putting her hopes up – maybe he'd understand that she had absolutely no interest in him. But then, knowing Kouga, he'd think she'd been brainwashed and they would be back to square one.

Ah, and she was all about to go ahead and ignore him too. But the wolf was never one to be ignored. His personality defied every aspect of that hope that he would realize he wasn't wanted and go away. 

Even now the sounds of countless fangirls sighing was remarkably audible. 

Pathetic. But it wasn't in Kagome to tell him to go away.

"Inuyasha! Kouga! Stop it, the both of you!"

It took far too much effort to yell this early, when she'd overslept and still hadn't gotten eight hours of sleep – so her voice was a mothering annoyed sort of 'pick up your toys, damnit' sort of scolding.

"Kuso." 

A smooth, cool whisper that definitely wasn't Kagome's was almost toneless with its lack of definition came to the far left of the group. It was clear that he could issue an extremely amusing comment in the same tone and you would have to speculate for about twenty minutes to figure out what exactly was funny.

There was a regality that was almost pompous, but not quite.

Sesshoumaru. 

The tall male with hair longer then his brother's and a much more androgynous quality had his lips set into a firm line, disdain twinkling in his eyes from his seat at the edge of a flower planter, a thick history textbook in his hands that read 'Feudal Japan'. 

He got up, and with a remarkable lack of interest, pulled the hanyou and youkai apart without much effort.

"If my studies suffer because of your persistent idiocy, I'll kill you both while you're sleeping."

Inuyasha took a few swipes at his brother, to no avail. It was more to prove he wasn't afraid of hitting the older youkai, rather than to /actually/ hit him. Kinda like those puffer fish they studied in science class the other day…

Not that he'd been paying much attention. It was just….the picture of that ridiculous fish tended to stick in your head.

He was a bit intimidated by Sesshoumaru's threat, if only because they lived in the same house. He hadn't used that trick in so long, the fear still sprang up when the elder said it. The hanyou locked golden eyes to golden eyes in a stalemate he knew Sesshoumaru would ignore, but it was interesting to try anyway.

Sango held a hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh. Inuyasha looked like a small child being pulled away from another kid by his parent. It was one of the downsides of the elder being that much taller. If he wanted, Inuyasha could be hovering from the ground right now.

Kouga turned white. He'd seen what this demon could do, and he didn't like it. It was worth giving up a fight with Inuyasha to keep his life, and Sesshoumaru usually followed through on his threats. He pulled away, finding his release was unusually easy, straightened his shirt, and walked away as if nothing was wrong. He might have been a bit intimidated, but he wasn't about to show it.

A bell rang out from the school, the announcement person's voice crackling over the loud speaker.

"Attention all students. In two weeks our school will be holding a New Year's dance." The voice, belonging to one Kagura-san, sounded none-too-excited. "There will be music and refreshments, and admittance is free. The dance will start at 8 and will last until 11. Reminders will be posted around the school, should you forget. Have a nice day."

The last line sounded pained and dripped with disdain. Then again, Kagura-san was always that way.

Fourth period.

Fourth period was always hell.

Unless there was something terribly interesting going on, the minutes ticked by like hours and she was forced to draw random pictures on her classwork as Boutousai droned about the importance of metalwork in the early 1900's. Kagome was uninterested in metalwork, although she /had/ finished the assignment in about ten-odd minutes.

The bell rang almost like a sign from the heavens and the pile of students smushed through the door as if they could congeal and compact so that everyone could get out in one skinny rectangle. Kagome was left behind, shoving odds and ends into her now strangely lumpy backpack, three girls hovering over her shoulder in a disturbing way.

"Kagooome-chaaaan…" 

The vowels hung on for centuries.

"Hai?" 

They grinned at each other, glad for the acknowledgement. Kagome ceased an eyeroll. They were okay unless they were all together (which was always) for when their peppiness was combined it was almost like they were a large ball of static electricity, attaching to you and zapping you at random intervals. Escape was always key if survival was on the line.

"Are you going to the dance?"

Kagome's pace quickened as she slid through the door, the girls following on her heels. "Don't know."

The dance seemed alright. Sango would probably go, if only to talk in a corner of the gym and sip punch. That was all that usually happened, anyway. Boyfriends and girlfriends would give each other the red envelopes with money or earrings or whatever they could afford .. it was just a cutesy event for those who didn't really celebrate the new year.

Oh, damn. They were still there. Grinning cheerfully. You could tell they were going to say something about who she should go with – literally smell the decisions they were going to make for her leak from their pores.

Sometimes it was not good to be a nice person.

Find a way to get away – where is Kouga when you could actually need him – she walked quickly through the hallway, making a sharp turn and losing the trio in the crowd. Pushing open the door with her shoulder, the quad shone lazy light over the campus, clouds thick like Cool Whip and refusing to budge.

It wasn't going to rain. It was just going to be extremely dreary for the next three hours or so.

At the lack of seeing any of the friends she wasn't currently avoiding, Kagome sat on top of one of the tables, legs crossed and feet settled on the decaying bench.

Fourth period.

Come to think of it, he hadn't stayed there for the whole period. Too many times had he been asked, "Are you going to ask someone to the dance? You know, since Kikyou…" That's about as far as they got until Inuyasha flashed them a death glare that could have been Sesshoumaru's. He'd gotten so sick of it he'd asked the teacher for a bathroom pass and never came back.

The hanyou looked out the bathroom, checking for the teacher. No sign of him. Good. Injecting himself into the mainstream of students, he let himself be swept along until he slipped outside. Spotting Kagome wasn't hard; she was the only one sitting alone. Inuyasha quickly joined her, reluctant to stay near the doorway lest his fourth period teacher watch him sneak away.

"Fourth period is hell."

He commented, saying more to make Kagome feel better about her equally hellish class. The hanyou leaned his head back, resting his weight on the heels of his hands against the table. He wasn't looking forward to the dance; too much trouble, too much loud, too much fake excitement. It made him sick just thinking about it. Of course Miroku would go for the girls, hitting on them whether they had boyfriends or not.

A boy with short brown hair and a permanently glued smile that gave him an air that was very irritating and cheerful was pushed towards the schoolgirl by two other females whose heads were wedged at his back to obscure their appearance. Sweatdrops rained down the back of his head, though he didn't seem so disinclined to enjoy the fact he was getting pushed towards the object of his affection.

Coming from another direction was Kouga – not this again – looking as determined as ever to do whatever it is he wanted to do. Inuyasha brought his head forward, knowing this could get sticky.

In this corner, we have Hoyjo, teacher's pet and overall annoyance. In that corner, we have Kouga, wolf youkai and hot-headed obsessor. Who will get there first?

Just like a bad boxing match.

Both made it there at the same time, and blurted something that sounded somewhat related to each other.

"Higurashi-san, would you-"

"Kagome, how would you like to-"

Both boys were red, Hoyjo from the stress and Kouga from the embarrassment of having to do this in front of his enemy, not to mention the fact someone else was talking while he was talking.

To Kagome, this must have come out as one big blurb. Inuyasha, on the other hand, could hear every word, and knew exactly what was going on. They were trying to ask her out. And in front of Inuyasha too. 

Like that was ever going to happen.

Idiots. 

The hanyou didn't really /want/ to go to the dance, but if he didn't give Kagome a reason not to go with one of the two blabbering idiots, she, being the nice person that she was, would be unable to refuse both of them. He turned to her casually, relying on Kouga and Hoyjo's blabbering proposals to drown out one another.

"Hey Kagome, you feel like going to the New Year's dance?"

Simple as that.

Now let's hope she heard him correctly.


	4. Chapter Four

"Definitely." 

She replied, picking off more of the paint off the wood as she looked up at the mass of clouds that seemed so annoyed at everyone, thus depriving them of real sunlight. Spring was coming, though. And then she wouldn't feel like she was going to die of hypothermia.

"You probably cut more then half of it, though."

Psychic. Well – not really. You only had to know him for so long that if he came to lunch and said something of that nature, most of the class had probably been ditched from lack of interest or lack of the ability to sit still and not want to murder someone.

Gee golly gosh, the dance. It just seemed /great/. Especially since she didn't really care much about going with anyone. Meanwhile, there would be some attraction in going just to watch her friends and the antics that ensued.

Miroku would hit on every girl in sight, Sango would hit him after each one, and Miroku would leave with multiple contusions and a possible fracture and not a single kiss. Kagome would follow along, trailing a beeline behind her best friend, but doing her best not to act like the trio of remarkably energetic tenth graders.

And Inuyasha .. Inuyasha had always been with Kikyou. So now – oh, it wasn't going to be very good. This /had/ been the first dance in quite a while. Student Council was filled with disinterested seniors who did Leadership at first period, although never went so they could sleep in for an extra half-hour.

Kagome couldn't act as annoying as her other friends even if she /was/ trying. It took too much effort, and it made her feel like she was about to get about sixteen-hundred cavities. Simultaneously. And there weren't going to be any electric drills .. they'd just have to pick ..

It just wasn't a pleasant thing to imagine.

The girl looked with incredulous entertainment at the two boys walking towards her with such purpose. She very nearly expected them to come .. but maybe not at the same time. Wouldn't they ever learn? 

Scratch that – reverse it. /Couldn't/ they ever learn?

Oh well. This was just great.

She had gotten herself to be all prepared .. and then the words were in gibberish. Were they taking a second language and trying to impress her?

Wait. Or about homework? Her brows raised, mouth opening and closing as the confusion sunk into her bloodstream. She had absolutely no clue about what was going on, and her face showed it.

Maybe they were sick. They /were/ looking a tad like tomatoes.

"Wha--" 

Her question was cut off by Inuyasha, and she half-smiled at him, wondering if that was the basis of what the other two were talking about. If so, he deserved a hug.

My hero.

"Oh. Sure."

Kagome shrugged. She sort-of heard him. So. Maybe she'd come out looking like an idiot.

Eh.

_Attention Airforce one, we have Mission Accomplished. I repeat, Mission Accomplished, over._

That wasn't so hard.

He didn't know about being a /hero/, exactly. Just said the right thing at the right time to bail his friend out.

Oh, look at them go.

Kouga was acting more like a freight train that a demon. He just kept going and going.

Take a seat, Energizer Bunny.

Blah blah blah….

"-What?" 

The wolf's mouth almost dropped open. He caught himself, and attempted to look as dignified as possible before speaking again. Failure could /not/ be this easy. Here he was, pouring out his innards, trying to be heard over some stupid human male, and all Inuyasha had to do was ask as flatly as humanly possible. And she said yes!

This couldn't be happening.

Hoyjo, meanwhile, stopped on a dime. Just the slightest flick of disinterest from Kagome would have stopped him anyway, but this was more than a slight flick. It was almost too much for the pathetic little guy, being turned down the way he had. Not turned down, exactly. Kagome had just accepted someone else's offer….right in front of him…. 

He fell back with a thud, out cold. Eri and Yuka were there in record time, crouching by his side and gibbering as incomprehensibly as Hoyjo and Kouga had a moment ago. They looked up at Kagome, eyes flitting from her to Inuyasha. It's not that they didn't like Inuyasha; they barely knew him anyway. But he was /hanyou/; half human, but half youkai too. They weren't entirely sure they could trust even a half demon.

Inuyasha cocked an eyebrow at the girls with that, "What are you looking at?" look. He lost interest in seconds, his eyes shifting to Kouga. The wolf looked none too please, his face flaming red, this time from anger.

"How /dare/ you! Take that back, you half breed!"

Half breed. Hm. He wasn't very original, was he?

"Bite me."

Truly, he hadn't expected Kouga to take him up on that. He was defending Kagome's interests, hai, but he was having fun at the same time. He was surprised when Kouga lunged at him, a bit shocked to dodge before getting pinned to the table.

"I didn't mean literally, you flea-bitten moron!"

The hanyou yelled, fighting the wolf youkai's grip on his shoulders. He curled, lashing out with his feet and jamming them into his opponent's stomach, throwing Kouga off and back into the grass. 

You'd think they would have been content with the fight this morning, ne?

It was still heroism.

He didn't /have/ to bail her out.

Kagome promptly began to chew her lip when Hoyjo fell, wondering whether it was her place to help Yuka and Eri or to just sit there .. considering she had sorta been the one to make him pass out. She had knocked him over – not turned him down like the coverlet for a bedspread. Poor guy. She should've remembered how sensitive he was. 

"Hoyjo-ku-" 

"Shut it, Kagome-chan."

After all, whenever she got sick he was armed with Vitamin C lozenges and countless energy drinks.

Her friends looked like she'd just murdered someone (or something close), and their eyes burned daggers into her forehead. They had always felt decidedly left out because of Inuyasha … but they'd always expected her to pick Hoyjo over any … competition? They were delusional, but it /was/ their idea of the scheme of things.

Before she could even say a proper apology, they had Hoyjo's arms over their shoulders and they were pulling him away.

Kami – was this going to be how all dances were like?

A brawling Inuyasha and Kouga, an unconscious Hoyjo, and two girls who thought she was a backstabber? Joy of joys. Sign her up for the next party committee.

"Eeek!" 

With a bit of a startled cry, Kagome popped off the bench and stood to the side of it as Kouga flew back into the grass, dark orbs filled with pleading apologies that she wasn't sure were founded on proper grounds. It wasn't her fault that she didn't like him in that way … but it didn't stop her from feeling bad.

Quickly, Kagome walked over to the fallen Kouga, considering that Inuyasha had been the one to instigate his flight into the earth.

Even though if that hadn't happened they'd probably still be fighting. 

Or biting, as the case may be.

"Kouga-kun, are you alright?"

She asked, kneeling beside him.

Miroku, from the far side of the quad, began to walk over with disinterest at the regular act of violence from the rivals. Even if they generally wouldn't admit they were entirely rivals. His violet eyes were amused as he caught the last glance of Hoyjo being taken away by the two smaller girls.

"What happened…or do I even want to know?"


	5. Chapter Five

"I think we can figure that out."

Sango, from her position beside Miroku – they had fourth period together – pointed over at Kagome, Kouga and Inuyasha.

Fine, call it heroism if you like. Call it whatever you want.

But don't mess things up when he finally decided to think of someone else besides himself in 4 and a half months.

Even the fact that Kagome ran to Kouga's aid after he'd been hurt – the worse that could happen were a few grass stains on his ass – didn't piss him off the way it usually did. No, it was just Kouga this time. Just Kouga he felt like being angry at.

He hadn't properly pummeled him earlier today, come to think of it. 

Inuyasha advanced on his enemy, lashing out with his hand to grip the wolf's collar and lift him above the ground. Golden eyes were angry, horrifying if you were on the receiving end. He would have thrown the youkai into the wall, but he wanted his message across first. 

"Leave Kagome alone. She's not your girlfriend."

His voice was soft, trembling with rage.

"And leave Kikyou out of this. You're lucky Sesshoumaru showed up, or you wouldn't be alive right now. And just because I feel like spending my lunch actually eating, I won't kill you now, either. But make me angry one more time, and I won't give a damn where the hell we are. I'll just kill you."

That said, he dropped the wolf, kicking him to help him leave. 

Kikyou….Kikyou…. 

It had taken all morning, but it had finally gotten it.

He had just asked Kagome to the dance. Meaning he wasn't going with Kikyou.

Because Kikyou was dead.

Kikyou was dead…

That familiar lost, broken, painful feeling rose in his chest. His eyes burned as he pushed past Kagome to run out the door. Kami, home seemed so far away from here. So far, yet it seemed only seconds before he was pushing open the door and tramping up the stairs to slam his bedroom door behind him.

The hanyou slumped down against his door, curling his knees to his chest and burying his face in his legs. A horrid reminder, coming up out of nowhere. Odd, how he could go almost a month without crying, and then one day, just break down again.

He'd always gone to the school dances with Kikyou. It was expected, and he'd liked doing it. He was distant from his friends at the time, but they'd had fun without him anyway.

It was times like this the void seemed to be the only thing in existance. The void Kikyou had ripped open the day she ended her life.

/Now I would do most anything/  
/To get you back by my side/  
/But I just keep on laughing/  
/Hiding the tears in my eyes/  
/Because boys don't cry/  
/Boys don't cry /  
/Boys don't cry/

"Inuyasha?" 

Kagome stood, able to see the terrible look in his eyes that was all aching and pained – not nearly lackluster enough to mirror Sesshoumaru's. His threats were real, horribly so. She hadn't seen him so angry in a while. And then – and only then – she had to stare.

Why did he look like he was going to cry? Kami, why did she even have to ask?

As he ran away Kagome felt the biting register of frigid guilt drip into her consciousness from an invisible IV. Without even five seconds of registering, she looking desperately at Miroku and Sango as she ran after him. Screw school, she barely noticed racing by the principal's office. Let Kagura see her, now she was heading for the hanyou. 

Please be heading home, Inuyasha … what can I do, Inuyasha … Gomen ne, Inuyasha …

If only apologies could cover anything. Lies, betrayal, death. If only you could say 'sorry' and everything could be wiped away. Erased from the chalkboard as if it had never existed. But no – sorry only grated things over. It didn't do anything. It was an empty hope that your wishes could be acknowledged enough to take the hurt away. 

She'd realized it. But then again, she hadn't. Was it ever her place to? Kikyou was dead … the only reason that phrase held meaning was because of Inuyasha. He was the reason she went to the funeral – that she sat on the other line as the paramedics took her body away. She hadn't known her enough.

Kaede had had pictures of the girl around the house, had talked to her about how stunning she was – how brilliant. How very mature and elegant. Wise beyond her years, always brooding – that sort of thing. The thing that proud grandmothers do for their grandchildren. Kikyou, the porcelain trophy that hung like a dark cloud over Kagome's dreams.

You're dead and yet you're still here. You're dead and yet you still can't let go. You're feeding off of him – you're like a leech. Let him move past you .. Kami, he had been so close. I didn't know you well at all, but you're always there. You won't even let /me/ be. I need to stop this. I almost stopped this. I love him because he's one of my best friends.

Nothing else, there's no reason why I feel like I'm an idiot to be chasing him down ..

I'm not jealous .. there's nothing to be jealous of if there's nothing there .. jealousy is selfish, and now is not the time .. 

He's hurting. He's /always/ hurting. But now, you, the Queen of Late Realizations, finally noticed. Great job.

Turning the knob of the front door, Kagome silently said thanks for it being unlocked walking upstairs and turning the corner to the hanyou's bedroom.

If she closed her eyes she could hear him crying. The last time had been on the phone … this was decidedly worse.

"…Inuyasha?" 

She asked, her voice timid. As if he might open the door and strike her. 

/I heard that you were living well/  
/But you don't look like you're living to me./  
/Although the sparkle is gone,/  
/Your smile is in place so that everyone watching will see./

Gone. Dead. Deceased. Lost. Passed on.

There were so many ways to describe that state of body.

Gone was right. She was gone from his life. Not from his heart, maybe, but from this world.

Dead....that spoke for itself.

Ditto for deceased.

Lost...no, she wasn't lost. If something was lost, that meant it could be found eventually. But Kikyou wasn't lost. She was /gone./ He couldn't scour the earth and find her. She wouldn't just show up one day, like that other sock you thought had disappeared forever but one day popped into your drawer.

Passed on....passed on to what, exactly? Otherworld? Underworld? Hell? Heaven?

But your heartbeat didn't have to stop for you to be dead. He'd been dead for a while, hollow and moving through a broken existance. His heart had been beating, his lungs breathing for him when he would have otherwise forgotten to.

The hanyou pulled himself over to his bed, dragging a pillow off the soft surface and holding it to him. Leaning on the frame of his resting place, he saw the dresser, numerous photos adorning it. There were his parents, Inutaisho and Izayoi. He'd never known his father, though he looked a great deal like Sesshoumaru. He was supposed to have been even more powerful, though to what extent Inuyasha couldn't fathom. And his mother...she'd been best friends with Kagome's own. That was how the hanyou and ningen met, through their mothers. Her expression was sweet and bright in the picture, volumous robes not doing her beautiful eyes and long ebony hair justice. His father, too, was dressed up; it had been their wedding day, and they had dressed up as they would have during Sengoku Jidai.

Next to that photo was a shot of Inuyasha and Kagome, as young children. Only about 5 or 6, taken just before his mother had died. Inuyasha sat in the dog-like position, clearly irritated by the camera, wearing shorts, a t-shirt, and a worn pair of sneakers. Kagome looked happy - she'd always enjoyed taking pictures - in a blue summer dress and brown sandles, standing beside him. Her smile was cute and cheerful, that of a child who knew nothing of the pain in life. But by then, both had lost their fathers, and knew pain. Even back then, she knew how to hide behind a smile.

The third was of Kikyou in her priestess uniform, a broom in hand. Her smile, the smile that had melted his heart more than once, was warm in the summer sun, long hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. It hadn't been any special occasion when the shot had been taken; perhaps she had just been happier than usual. Such a pity she would never smile that way again.

Inuyasha buried his face into the pillow, looking at the door when he heard footsteps coming toward his room. He expected his grandfather, the man who'd raised him after his mother died, but was hardly surprised when it turned out to be Kagome's voice. She wasn't one to cut class, but her heart was too big to just let him run alone.

He licked his lips, swallowing once or twice before he could speak. When he did, it was still a bit weak and shaky. Not a voice he used often. 

"It's open..."

He couldn't get angry at her. Not after she cut class for him, not after she helped him out when Kikyou had died, not after Kagome had been, well...Kagome.


	6. Chapter Six

In Japan – China – most Asian countries, for that matter.. to commit suicide was the put yourself into an eternal limbo. A limbo in which you continuously repeated your act, neverending, for all eternity. Or – the other, which was just as likely – you went straight to hell.

Neither were pretty thoughts. Not in the slightest.

She didn't want to imagine Kikyou repeating the same thing over and over, waiting for some ultimate realization that what she was doing was wrong. She didn't want to imagine her suspended in nothingness, and exactly that : nothing.

And Inuyasha, who had been a shell. A cheap trinket from some tourist shop that was painted and glittering at the outside, but inside there was nothing but stale air.

To be so broken. To be so hollow. Kagome had never even scraped the edges of something like that. Her sadness had sprouted from her ignorance. She'd gotten so sick and tired of clinging to the fragmented memories of a father she didn't know and barely remembered.

Sometimes her mother didn't understand anything at all, and a part of her ultimately knew that /he/ would understand. That /he/ would hold her and tell her that everything was alright. But /he/ was also underneath six feet of earth, a stone plaque engraved with 'A Wonderful Husband and Father'.

After the funeral, a good six years later, she felt such contempt when visiting his grave that it startled her. Souta barely ever remembered who they were visiting. Okaa-san had played as his father, and he'd accepted that. He hadn't needed anything else.

But always .. always she asked the same questions when she looked at the sentimental statement that only inspired scorn…

A father to who? When had he been there to kiss her cheek .. hold her hand?

When had his appearance actually mattered?

When he was dead and gone.

Only when he wasn't there did she need him. Only when his voice was nonexistent did she want to hear him scold …

She opened the door after he'd spoken, hands wringing and body rigid with concern. The hanyou looked like he could be the same boy in the picture – that he could actually pass for being so young when the pillow he was holding was clutched in a deathgrip.

The girl walked over and sat beside him, not knowing exactly what to say. It wasn't alright, it wasn't going to be okay, and she couldn't fix any of it. So she was left silent, hoping her appearance was enough to help.

He wished he could go back. Back in time, to when things were simpler. To when he was younger, before his mother died.

Kami, she'd been so wonderful. Smiling just when he needed her to. Kissing his forhead when he cried about people making fun of him for being 'half breed.' Rubbing his ears so he would be able to sleep.

If only she were here to calmly explain all the answers to him. To explain what the hell he was supposed to do about his whole situation. What was he supposed to do or say or act when he found himself drowning in his own heart. A heart he thought had died with Kikyou. His affection for Kagome suffocated him in confusion and guilt. He was afraid to fall in love with anyone else; at every happy moment, he would be wondering "What if Kikyou was still alive?" Would he still be hugging this girl, or kissing that girl, or marrying yet another? Would he and Kikyou still be together if she hadn't killed herself, still be happy?

Sometimes he wished he could be a bit more like Miroku. Kami, that guy had no fear when it came to women. He wasn't afraid to admit he liked this one, or that one, or the girl over there. He wasn't pained when he obsessed about one girl while still developing a crush on a second. Lucky bastard.

Well, except the groping thing. That, Inuyasha could live without.

The hanyou pulled his face out of the pillow, feeling more like a child than ever. Like the little boy who had scraped his knee, who was trying not to cry because his father had told him not to. Because he was trying to be tough.

Forget about being tough, forget about honor, and pride, and any other stupid restraining quality he tried to have. The hanyou rested his forhead on Kagome's shoulder, eyes closed and streaming tears. 

"It's not fair, Kagome. Why couldn't I save her?"

He may have been half demon....

...but half of him was human, too.

And humans cried.

"I should have been able to...she shouldn't have had to die..."

"None of it was your fault."

She took his hand and squeezed it, feeling his tears sink into her uniform and her heart sink to somewhere near her abdomen. It was so strange to see him like this, the stone wall crumbling, the classic bully crying … it was almost depressing in that sense as well. Before Kikyou had died, he had been an everlasting constant. Unchanging. But now … now…

God, she hated to see him so sad.

"If you were supposed to save her, you would've … don't think for a second that you're to blame for her passing, alright?"

Forget about being strong, and brave, and tough. The act isn't necessary right now - not that it ever is.  
vinyl rainb0w: She didn't care if he was crying … because she was always going to be there as a shoulder to lean on. If she was needed, she'd be there.

Nothing is fair, Inuyasha - nothing at all is fair. The rules in life are oxymorons, and come to always be a constant paradox. If things were fair you'd still have Kikyou, I wouldn't love you, and our parents would be alive. Things would be so much easier.

"It wasn't your fault that she died."

Kagome repeated, resting her head to the side.

Her fingers calmly ran through his hair as she fell silent. Sometimes crying made things slightly less foggy. The bottled feelings were let loose and the clouds of emotions could drift away, even if they gave you a terrible headache in the meantime.

If only he could believe her. If only he could get his heart to agree. To say it wasn't his fault. She wanted to die. She would have died either way.

But it didn't /feel/ so damn simple as that.

The guilt still ate him alive, still throbbed as painfully as his heart against his ribs.

Kami, she was so warm. So comforting. His ears twitched as her hand glided through his hair; an old feeling surfaced, the feeling of being small. The kind of small that made it easy to be comforted. Either that, or Kagome seemed the kind of comforting big right now, like that old, big comforter you had on your bed for years on end because it never failed to make you warm.

Crying wasn't making things more clear, but it did feel good. Better than he would have admitted. It emptied you a little, releasing tears and worry, pain and sorrow. It was a release, a sorely needed release. He could be the protected instead of the protector, the child instead of the guardian, the comforted instead of the comforter.

That was something everyone needed at one point or another.

Even if he /was/ Inuyasha.

Love hurt so much. But it could heal as well, mending a broken heart. Love wasn't always boy loves girl, boy marries girl, girl and boy have children. There was the love of friends, which could sometimes prove even more powerful than that between spouses.

Already half asleep, one clawed hand reached up to grip her sleeve as he shifted a little closer. His breathing evened out, unable to keep his eyes open much longer.

"Thanks....Kagome...." 

Things were never that simple. All Kagome could do was try to remind him of what was the truth.

A smile twitched at the corners of her lips.

"No problem."

The girl whispered, not wanting to make him stir.

She was so comfortable here, being the one with protective surges spiraling deep inside her chest. It was nice, and then all at once scary to see Inuyasha so vulnerable. Sometimes she forgot he was just a teenager.

After a few minutes, she stopped running her hand through his hair. Slowly, and almost unwillingly, her lids shut and her mouth parted, steady breaths that of one fallen into a light sleep.

Miroku, on the other hand, had been slightly worried about his friend for the end half of the day, and had dragged Sango with him to the hanyou's house to figure out what had happened. Sporting a few new bruises and a hefty backpack, his limp was still there. Maybe his grade-mate had reinforced the bruised muscles sometime during the day.

He pushed back the already slightly opened door, taking it as a not-so-good sign.

"Miroku." 

Sango was barely breathing in the effort not to disturb the hanyou or her friend.

"Miroku, maybe this isn't a very good idea...."

True, she'd been worried as well, but...

What if they didn't want to be disturbed?

She shouldn't really be one to complain, though. After seeing Inuyasha run out first with Kagome on his heels, she'd been tense all day. The girl hadn't eaten lunch, had zoned out in class and did nothing but tap her pencil on the desk.

Despite herself, Sango peeked in, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw nothing was terribly wrong. Both of her friends were fast asleep, sitting together like they had when they were little and used to share naptime. Except....were those tearstains on Inuyasha's face? It was so unlike him to cry, let alone sleep in front of - or in this case, on - someone else.

Inuyasha, meanwhile, stirred ever so slightly. His sleep had been pleasent, dreamless. The first time in a long time that old memory hadn't haunted him while he rested. Kagome's scent was strong in his sensitive nose, acting like a warm blanket around him. He was reluctant to leave the peaceful slumber, the rare moment devoid of guarding himself. He moved again, more prominantly this time.

Damn. Life had been so perfect.

And then he'd woken up.


	7. Chapter Seven

Her dream, on the other hand, had not been peaceful and empty. She had been watching something she supposed was a nightmare – or a daymare, she guessed – for there was a Kikyou, pale as a sheet, with blood flowing freely from blatant slashes on her wrists that flooded onto the billowing red pants worn by classic mikos. The sleeves had been ripped so they wouldn't stem the flow of blood, and the look in her eyes was disturbingly determined.

The white floor looked like an ocean of blood.

Then … /crack/ … time was sped ahead.

Inuyasha was holding her, his face twisting into several different kinds of grief as he watched his girlfriend die in his arms. Inuyasha's face, Inuyasha's cry, they were all subdued. On very low volume with very low contrast.

The hanyou was of a different quality then Kikyou – he looked like he belonged in a silent movie. Pixelated, and without depth, like in ordinary dreams. But Kikyou was real, and Kikyou was three-dimensional. Half-noticing that if one of them looked in her direction they would see a wall, she couldn't shake off the feeling that the girl knew that she was watching.

It was a loop. The same sixty second image, over and over.

She could feel the words imprint themselves into her memory, dug farther and farther with each impending strike. It was too fearsome to see so suddenly, and the repetitions got more and more sickening as the blood would never stop … each time she wondered if Inuyasha could get to her in the moments she was not able to see. Get to her in time and tell her to quit it .. get there before the butcher knife that was dripping on the floor was set into her slender, aristocratic hands.

How /ever/ would the stains get out of that floor?

_"Why did you betray me, Inuyasha?"_

"Why did you betray me, Inuyasha?"

She whispered alongside, eyes opening sluggishly. Her wrists were aching. 

For a moment everything was in black and white, and she wondered if this would be some warped spin-off of the imagery she'd had to sit through like an innocent bystander. More like an audience member, truly. But then she saw Miroku and Sango, and felt Inuyasha stirring. 

Kagome felt nauseated as the face of Kikyou when she went limp didn't fade.

And she hadn't been there at the time she died … she hadn't heard about the circumstances from Inuyasha, only that her last words couldn't have been very sentimental. She was slightly shocked by the frightening realism of her dream. It had an ugly hold on her, making her breathing shaky.

No. Life was decent, and then she went to sleep.

/"Why did you betray me, Inuyasha?..."/

The words leapt out at him, clear and ringing just like they had been when she'd said them. Even though Kagome was only whispering it in her sleep, even though he himself was half asleep. They struck him like a bullwhip, striking him awake with hard intensity. They didn't reach him in Kagome's whisper; rather contorted in his mind to the memory until he heard Kikyou's yell of accusation.

Inuyasha bolted to his feet in an instant, his face white and eyes wide. His breathing, so calm only a moment before, was ragged. The hanyou backed away from his friend, shaking.

How did she know? How did she know what Kikyou had said as a final parting? It was impossible; she hadn't been there. He hadn't told her. He hadn't told anyone. How could she possibly know?

"No, that's...impossible...how could you....?"

His voice wasn't accusing nor angry. Simply confused, and afraid.

That voice....Kikyou's voice, like a huntress calling her hounds with a voice too pure to bear. Like the singing of a hundred sirens to one ship, the cry of a hundred wolves on a clear night. A voice so painful when it uttered those words that it shattered his heart into a million pieces.

And he'd just heard it again.

She rubbed at her eyes, waking up only as she heard Inuyasha speak. Then the startled Kagome realized what she'd done. Said it aloud … yes, that could only be the thing that could constitute for the desperately confused look on the hanyou's face.

How could she know?

How could she have heard it?

How could she have seen the same image over and over and over again, wanting to run to Inuyasha each time he cried out only to know her fingers would pass through empty space. Kikyou's eyes got more and more fierce, her words with more and more power.

She wondered if she was ever going to wake up. She wondered if it was some new sort of strange torture that she was never going to leave. Waking up was blessed, the serenity she'd found in the few moments before going to sleep had disappeared entirely.

"I – I … did I say something? I had a nightmare."

More like a vision, but she didn't need to say that...did she? 

Inuyasha was scared of what she'd done. But why would he be? It was only a weird dream that scared the daylights out of her … but Kagome scared easily nevertheless.

Not that anyone who watched a girl commit suicide would call it run-of-the-mill.

"Why did you.." She paused, a hand lifting to her lips as she stood. "..betray me, Inuyasha?"

Miroku looked between the ningen and hanyou, confused twicefold.

His head starting to shake slowly, very slowly.

"How do you know what she said?"

His words were as slow as the shaking of his head.

Now Kikyou's old words reached him untainted. It was Kagome's voice, and she sounded confused, not angry and full of vengence, as Kikyou had. Still, it's not as if anyone saying those words was a picnic for the poor hanyou.

Said once, they thrust in the steak. Said twice, they grabbed the mallot. Said thrice, they hit the steak deep into his heart.

And she had no idea how much they hurt him. Had no idea those words were Kikyou's last.

Sango could only look from one to the other in confusion, wishing she could help but not knowing how. It seemed they'd be standing here like this for a very long time...

Thankfully - we never thought this would apply to Sesshoumaru, did we? - the hanyou's brother appeared behind the door frame, arms crossed over his chest.

"Having a party?" And without waiting for an answer, he ordered, "Go home."

After all, he had better things to do than listen to his little brother and his friends gabber about something he didn't care about.

Inuyasha turned his white face and wide eyes to his brother, backing into the wall. The last thing he needed was Sesshoumaru bugging him, who was quicker to beat him rather than comfort him.

Kagome had woken up the next day with a sore head. But it wasn't a headache, exactly. It wasn't throbbing. It merely ached. Every blood vessel was burning with some unwelcome intrusion that had abrasively scoured its way to the core of her skull, spreading soft pain through her knuckles and down to her ankles. Her waking had nearly been involuntary.

That was pretty ordinary, though. If there had been a sound outside the door, or she'd smelled something cooking … she occasionally opened her eyes not on her own accord. She wasn't exactly weirded out – she didn't have a reason to be worried.

Even /if/ Kagome was pretty good with her intuition, and something seemed very, very wrong.

The yellow and blue sleepset was no-sleeved, and she wondered why the still rather thick fabric was almost weightless and nonexistent on her body. Maybe she should try to move...

/Crack/... 

Itai.. 

This was a foreign sort of strangeness. Her fingers flexed, and it wasn't a /reflex/. Her arm lifted as if it wasn't hers. Someone else was moving her like a Barbie doll, except there were no jerky movements. Everything was fluid and graceful … a grace that she did not possess.

'She' turned it so that the backside showed, pale flesh, greenish-blue veins slightly visible amidst the parchment hued skin. Her eyes were scanning down it, and a smirk curved along her lips. It was a unfamiliar smile as well. It felt sinister. A bubbling amusement raised in the pit of her stomach, the pain intensified at the fresh emotion.

_Did I hurt you?_

If she could, she would blink.

The sound was resounding – fantastic acoustics, her body had – and dripping with codeine. The same coating on thick pills meant to put you to sleep … made it go down easier, or something. But the voice was still strange. Sweet and mellow and soft like chamomile tea. 

Not her voice.

After a steady, endless check of fingers and toes and muscles and ligaments, she stood and walked to the bathroom, unable to comprehend what the hell was going on. A toothbrush was brought to her lips, and she could feel it vaguely. As if everything was asleep and tingled faintly, blood spinning around to get some feeling back.

_Don't worry…you'll get used to it._

Kagome wanted to answer, but she couldn't. Fear spread through 'her' – whatever she had left in the back of this new mind.

Getting dressed was tedious. Whoever this was wanted to rub the pads of her fingertips over everything in sight, and got extreme pleasure out of doing so. She was in utter bliss. This was fun … to put on her uniform and to slip on her shoes. It seemed endless, and the silence pounded.

A visitor in her own head. She wanted to scream, pound, do anything, /something/.

But she couldn't begin to guess as to how.

_Poor girl. You're scared._

She felt her mouth spread into a grin.

_Don't worry. Kikyou will take care of you well enough._


	8. Chapter Eight

Inuyasha woke with a throbbing headache. He groaned, rolling over even as his alarm went off nonstop and rubbing the spot on his head that hurt most. Sesshoumaru had struck him the night before after everyone had left, telling him to stop mooning over a dead girl and start living. Whether it was because Sesshoumaru actually cared about Inuyasha's mental state or wanted him back to normal because it bugged Mr. Highandmighty, the hanyou had no clue.

And frankly, he didn't care.

Finally the constant buzzing got on his nerves. He flipped over, reaching one arm out of the blanket for the alarm clock. Alas, he'd forgotten that the damn thing was on his dresser.

On the other side of the room.

The hanyou dragged himself out of bed to wearily make his way to the dresser, silencing the alarm. He figured, since he was up, he might as well get dressed for school. The change between pajamas -which incedentally were just a pair of boxer shorts...what can I say, he's lazy - and uniform was slow, as if doing it deliberately would stretch out the minutes as well.

It seemed like forever before he was bounding downstairs, yelling about how he was going to be late and stealing Gramps' breakfast from him so he wouldn't have to make it himself. Of course, it was always like this, and he was never late for first period. Nothing to say of all the others, but he always got to first right on time.

Today he was really cutting it close. The school came into view as he ran, skidding to a halt in the schoolyard. As he huffed, leaning on his knees, white puffs of breath formed in the chilly air. He checked his watch; ten minutes. He had ten minutes.

Hey, hadn't he had ten minutes yesterday when he'd woken up? He was fine. 

Though not entirely sure that counted, since he'd gotten to school a half an hour earlier than usual and napped.

Meanwhile, Sango approached Kagome's house, knocking on the front door. She was running a little late, as Kohaku had reminded her as he'd left the house, but she wanted to make sure Kagome was all right nonetheless. 

"Kagome? Kagome, we're gonna be late!"

Kikyou? What the hell?

Her mind couldn't race. It was in stalemate, and she batted at the walls of her cage with an invisible jug.

Kagome – wait, /Kikyou/ walked downstairs briskly, grabbing a muffin from the counter and shooting a usual smile at her mother. It didn't make sense to make her mother worried, apparently. Kaede, on the other hand, gave her the slightest of inquisitive glances as the girl darted past and opened the door.

Please notice something is wrong, please ask me if there's something wrong, don't let me walk past … please, don't let me keep walking …

Who is at the door?

Sango – /Sango/, you hateful ghost…

_Feisty, eh? I can make this hard on you._

She walked by. Simple as that. Kikyou brushed by her best friend as if she was nothing more then a piece of shrubbery, and continued her way down the path and onto the sidewalk.

There were easy differences in the way she moved. There was no hesitance – no fear she was going to step on a wayward ant.

Her movements were so bloody sure, and Kami, was Kikyou pleased.

Pride radiated from every pore, unlimited grace seeping from all her limbs. She could feel the changes and she was /still/ numb and able to do so, which made it all the worse.

She did not think it was real. She was dreaming. She was going to wake up, and it would be Friday morning, and nobody would have possession of her body.

She would not be possessed by a girl who had committed suicide something like four months ago.

Wait, would it be better to be possessed by anyone at /all/?

_Keep thinking that. Go ahead, I won't make it stop. But just so you know, I want us to cooperate to some extent._

Kagome nearly snorted at the thought as Kikyou crossed her arms, quickening her pace, not even /thinking/ in the direction of Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi, who were giving her the same death glares from yesterday. Hoyjo was in tow, and he looked rather pale.

There, not many more minutes later, she was on campus.

The dead girl was apparently glad to be back.

Kagome, on the other hand, was terrified.

_Inuyasha-kun..._

Onegai, oh /please/...

Sango watched her friend brush past and walk away, dumbfounded. Kagome never ignored her, and there was something strange about her this morning. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something wrong.

The girl headed towards school, breathing a sigh of relief when she spotted Miroku walking up ahead. She ran to him, waving her hand in the air.

"Miroku! Miroku, I need to talk to you!"

Inuyasha pushed past the trio and Hoyjo, barely noticing who it was. He was just glad to see her, he supposed. His dreams the night before had been ravaged with memory, playing out every scene he knew with the deceased his brain could possibly shove at him in one night. He'd tried to forget what Kagome had said the night before...

/"Why did you betray me, Inuyasha?"/

She'd never answered his question. How did she know?

But that bastard of a brother had inturrupted, and Inuyasha wanted answers.

Best not to push it though, or she'd never tell.

"Hey Kagome!"

The hanyou's voice was cheerful as he caught up with her, walking by her side. She looked different this morning, somehow. Her movements were endlessly fluent, and there was just this /air/ around her that seemed familiar to him.

"Morning. How'd you sleep?"

Heh. Too bad. The real Kagome would have stopped right there and ask what he wanted. The only time he asked about how she slept was when he wanted a question answered. Usually a very big, very annoying, very reluctantly answered question.

His eyes widened.

"Er…alright…? What happened?"

_He seems so strangely affectionate.._

The tea-and-honey voice became painfully sharp, morphine and chocolate, grating what nerves she still possessed. But Kikyou, apparently, was a grand actress, and kept it all in stride when speaking in /her/ voice.

"Hey." 

Kikyou said, smiling slightly. Kagome was confused. She felt … strange. A thousand conflicting emotions, anger and hurt and compassion and warmth and love, though apparently she was comforted when focusing on the first two. And then … despair. Pained and thick, and painted like the fancy exterior of china eggs.

She found herself pitying the girl, and then also wanting to give her the worst migraine on earth. And thus she was doing anything she could – thrashing, hitting aimlessly with cerebral arms. It hurt her as well, but it was enough for her to try.

_I do wonder how_ greatly _he cares for you.._

Kikyou was angry, it seemed, and Kikyou was doing her best to make every part of Kagome shriek with pain.

../Crack/. 

"What are you getting at, Inuyasha?"

How did she know how to say that?

Damnit. She wasn't even fazed.

She was still smiling warmly, plaintively shutting out all pleas for recognition. This was an empty battle, but Kagome didn't mind wasting her energy even if it just hurt her the slightest bit. The idea that she was in her head was scary and nauseating. As if she could panel through every feeling she had, sift through any memory as if the emotions were photo albums.

Apparently that was why she had a headache, by the rattling amusement that Kikyou so quickly settled into.

_And what an amusing life you do indeed lead…enjoying the company of your_ best friend _a bit much, I presume?_

The priestess didn't wait for an answer. Her hands took his to halt his movements. Calmly, and with the easiness that came with recurrence, Kikyou pressed her lips fully to the hanyou's, not much caring if she was going to be pushed away or not.


	9. Chapter Nine

"Kagome wasn't herself this morning," Sango explained while they walked. "She just walk right past....holy..."

Well....that was an odd sight...

"Hey, Miroku? Isn't Inuyasha still hung up on Kikyou?"

"What do you mean? I'm not getting at anything."

He replied with ease, having said it a million times before. She /seemed/ normal, but there was still something edgy about her. Something that just wasn't quite Kagome.

The woman was good, no doubt. The hanyou barely noticed the tough inner battle within Kagome's mind, if he noticed at all. She was acting normal, giving him the same accusational tone when he asked how she'd slept.

Well, maybe not exactly the same. There was a hint of fluidness, more like a hot knife through butter, as opposed to his best friend's usual knife through bread. Hesitant for half a second before sliding through the line.

Kami, she'd barely blinked.

When was the last time words had come so easily for her?

He flinched when their lips met, blinking once before it really hit him what "Kagome" had just done.

And when he did realize, he pushed her away as fast as he could, lingering perhaps a second after his brain began working again. And it was a second too long. Inuyasha wiped his mouth on his sleeve, giving her a wide-eyed "What the hell?!?" look.

Guilt washed over him. He felt horrible for having lingered there, for having maybe enjoyed it just a little. For having maybe kissed back, if only for a second. For having let "Kagome" kiss him when he felt he still loved Kikyou, even if she /had/ sorta jumped him. 

"Kagome, what the hell...?"

The hanyou took a step back away from his "friend," eyes narrowing.

"What's wrong with you?"

"That isn't like her…"

His voice trailed as he gaped at the extremely unusual sight.

"Wow." 

Still /felt/ he loved Kikyou.

That possibly meant something.

Kagome was furious. Thrashing, thrashing in the padded walls of her cage, and trying so bloody hard to get any sort of flinch from the miko to no avail. She was trapped inside one of those old Iron Maidens…the pseudo-sarcophaguses that had spikes sticking out from all sides. 

When you relaxed, one would pierce you in the middle. In the leg. In the foot.

In the heart.

She 'smiled' when she finally felt Kikyou double. For just a second, just a fraction of a second, Kagome knew that the bashing was getting her places. Just when she ran a hand through her hair and stopped through the middle as if a very large, ugly bug had landed on her nose, Kagome knew that Kikyou was hurting right along with her. 

Every limb, every fragment, /everything/ burned. How could she keep standing?

_Because I'm not alive, baka._

Inuyasha's reaction was meaningless. It was making Kikyou remotely giddy, in fact.

The miko was having a good time being alive … or as close to it as this was.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

Kikyou had never been vindictive … but for some reason, she found the basis to do so. Merely because Inuyasha had smiled at 'Kagome', merely because he seemed so familiar and calm that it sickened her. 

Merely when it tore her heart in two to know he hadn't recognized her straight off the bat. That he was just confused. That he didn't understand what was going on.

Kagome took a double-take at such a random switch of emotions.

The miko was bleeding, but not from any flesh wound.

"Ignorant as ever, hanyou."

She whispered quietly, turning away.

"What do you mean 'wow'?!?"

Sango punched him in the arm.

"That's bad!"

For a moment, he could only stand there, staring at her back. He could've sworn something flickered in her eyes, something so achingly familiar his heart began to pound.

It had struck up old memories for the second time in two days. Kagome may have been kissing him, but it had /felt/ like Kikyou. He couldn't quite explain it, but Kikyou had this something that he'd never let slip away. Just like the way she smiled, the way she walked, or the reassured air around her. Some things, he had to admit, he had forgotten some things about the deceased miko. Her favorite color, her work hours, her school schedule - he'd memorized it before so he would always know where she was - her phone number. Now all these little things came rushing back like a fire through dry trees.

Red, 4:30 PM-7:30 PM, English to math to science to world history to lunch to gym to health to language to special class, 836-7168.

And now Kagome was calling him ignorant. /Ignorant./ She'd never called him ignorant before. Baka, silly, forgetful, pain in the ass. But never ignorant.

He'd only once been called ignorant.

And somehow he didn't think it was Kagome's word-for-the-day.

"Kagome, I know I asked you to go to the dance with me, but...I wanted to help you out. When did you start acting like Kikyou all of a sudden?" 

When did you start kissing like her should have been the question.

"Oh… really? Gomen…"

Miroku replied absently, more inclined to stare at his friends despite not being able to catch any of the conversation.

/Crack./ 

Kagome wondered whether she had shattered a spiritual rib, considering to the extent of which all of those '/crack/'s stung. She felt so tired, and the throbbing pain was more incentive to fold a few times and dream endlessly, but she couldn't. Not now, not when she was too busy praying that Inuyasha would think of possession as a possible cause for her distinct change in behavior.

(Please, /please/ have seen the dubbed version of The Exorcist...Kami-sama...) 

_God can't hear you._

"I'm not acting, Inuyasha."

The usual 'like anyone' that was added to that statement hung with startling foreboding as Kikyou pushed a smile across muscles that weren't her own.

What was a decent reason to want to die? I failed my test, I've got horrible acne, my parents hate me, my significant other bruises my arms…? What if you didn't have that? Were you grappling with the serious or the frivolous? Was it enough incentive merely because of /boredom/ to drag a butcher knife across your skin? To yell at your loving boyfriend and to be so…so…

_So /what/, exactly?_

…selfish. 

Slender fingers curled around her left wrist (my wrist, not your wrist), gently dragging a chewed and thus jagged nail over the jacaranda-hued veins.

/i'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers/  
/i'll be alright when my hands get warm/  
/ignoring the phone/  
/i'd rather say nothing/  
/i'd rather you never heard my voice/  
/you're calling too late, too late to be gracious/  
/you do not warrant long goodbyes/  
/you're calling too late/

"Ignorant? For wanting you to live?"

She said it rudely, in a quiet but high-pitched singsong that was a mockery of the hanyou's original tear-ridden cry.

Everything seemed to have gone quiet. Every person seemed to have stopped to watch, or perhaps it just seemed that way to him as he stared almost mindlessly, confused, at the girl he called 'Kagome,' though it clearly wasn't her at all. It was....Kami, no....it couldn't be....He couldn't remember Kikyou being so snide, so insulting, so...so... 

Mockingly painful.

In an instant, his expression changed. His hands shot out to roughly grip her forearms, though he did nothing else in any way harmful. He was leaning forward a little, his head bowed so his bangs covered his eyes. It was...unthinkable, what he knew was happening. Yet, it was. This wasn't Kagome; it was /Kikyou/, somehow, unthinkably, back from the dead and posessing his best friend. Which was /wrong/...

Funny how, when someone died, you had all these things you'd say if they came back, all these things you'd do. You'd pray there was some way for them to come back in the first place, which they hadn't left. And then once they really came back...all you could be...

...was pissed off.

He'd have forgiven her if she hadn't mocked him. But it had been more than just mockery. And it /hurt/.

_Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words break my heart..._

"How.../dare/...you. How dare you!" The hanyou's voice was a bit choked, his head still down. "Where is Kagome!? Bring her back!" He sounded somewhat like a child, begging for something he loved dearly.

He didn't want Kikyou back. Though his still loved her, his heart still bled and cracked like a week-old wound. Not now.

And not at the expense of Kagome.

It was a broken sort of relief as Kagome felt her body shake, though any happiness dissolved at the sight of Inuyasha's down-turned face. What had happened to make Kikyou's personality warp? Even the spark in her eyes (my eyes, stop thinking like that) had its own degree of disparaging angst.

Despite all of this, all the live schoolgirl could manage was mix of anger and pity.

The miko stopped tracing lines down Kagome's veins; placing a hand on the side of the hanyou's face, her smile dissolved as she briefly ignored his choked pleas.

_Wants you more then me._ Crack. _Needs you more then me._ Crack. _How _dare_ I?_. Crack.

Kuso, this really hurt. It was getting hard to form thoughts, let alone fight against Kikyou's control.

"I thought you'd want to speak to me. I thought you'd be…happy." 

Each word was softer, now, with no trace of the mocking sarcasm that had thickly coated her tone just seconds before. The passerby that were watching had started to walk off rather fast, the tension exuded from the duo enough to steer them away.

"…she's here; don't worry about your little friend. I wanted to…/talk/ to you no matter what the cost."

(talk, kill, mock, anger)

Back from the dead. The statement evoked the scent of soil and depression, old B-movies in which the heroine always lived and her best friend always died. Kikyou wasn't a /zombie/, though. She didn't have a truly corporeal form…this had been stolen (borrowed, hopefully). No biting or gnawing involved.

How the hell had Kikyou found her? They were never friends. But maybe at Inuyasha's house…maybe being asleep and being unaware had been /just/ enough.

A shaky laugh could be misconstrued as mild fear as Kikyou questioned : "Didn't you miss me at all?"


End file.
